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Why We Need To Stop Telling Boys “It’s Not Okay To Cry”

Updated: Jan 27, 2023

Is it time that we stop telling boys not to cry? Society says that crying makes you look weak and frail. “Only sissies and women cry,” some people say, but haven’t you ever cried just because you were so angry? I know I have! I’ve been in situations where I cried, not feeling one ounce of sadness, just pure frustration, and anger. As an intuitive life coach, I am now able to look at back at these times and see a commonality; I was crying because I didn’t feel heard. 

Did you know that the reason we cry during times of intense anger and frustration is our body’s natural response to the build-up of cortisol within our system? In addition to having more testosterone not allowing the tears to flow (or cortisol to be released) is in part why men tend to lash out with anger more so than women.

Boys are taught not to let their emotions show for fear of looking “weak,” but it’s the body’s natural response to an array of emotions so why do we tell boys it’s not okay to cry?

As a mindful mommy, a spiritual coach, and a medium I can tell you that one of the most unhealthy things that we can do is to deny our emotions. Unprocessed emotions build up like concrete in the physical body and boy do they weigh the body down. Suppressed emotions often turn into physical disease, so it’s no wonder that heart disease is higher in men than women. We need to allow boys and men to unblock that heart chakra, amiright?

Let’s quit telling boys it’s not okay to cry!

We tell boys:

  1. Not to show emotion.

  2. They shouldn’t complain.

  3. To act tough.

  4. Crying is out of the question.

Listen, I can’t even tell you how many mediumship readings I have done where a man sits down for his session, and immediately I am able to pick up on a painful wall. First, I see the severity of emotional blocks within him. Then I tell him where I see those blocks and what aspects of his life and physical body are being affected. Once I identify a few specifics for him, the man on the other end of the phone will immediately drop all of his walls and have a vast emotional purge via crying or talking.

It’s as if a lifetime of not releasing and feeling secure enough to be heard floods to the surface when just 5 minutes before he tried to appear hard as stone saying “my wife is making me do this.” This scenario has happened countless times. All because we teach boys, it’s not okay to cry.

As adults, we know how being emotionally unavailable, unstable, and unpenetrable can be on our health, our relationships, and even our jobs. As kids, we have no idea the severity of damage this can cause later in life.

Louise Hay Said: “The totally macho man is not in touch with the intuitive side of himself and a weak wispy feminine woman is not expressing the strong intelligent side of herself. We all need both sides.”

and I agree.

I want my son to be strong and independent and a great partner to whoever he ends up with. I want him to know his worth, see his value, and not get taken advantage of. We also wish for him to understand how to communicate effectively. He needs to know how to be honest when someone is hurting him. My son needs to really experience the emotions he needs to feel to live the most physically and mentally healthy life available to him! He needs to be able to cry, to feel, to talk, and to be strong for himself as well.

I am not a male, but I remember always being told “crying won’t get you anywhere, you’re being a baby, do you want your friends to see you acting like this because I will tell them” that didn’t make me stronger it made me weaker. I learned to shut down and that I couldn’t trust people when I was hurt or sad or frustrated.

As a parent, I know that crying can be annoying. It is our jobs as parents; however, to help our kids learn to navigate and express their emotions in healthy ways. We must teach them coping mechanisms and help them worth through it, not humiliate and shame them into bottling everything up until they are emotionally unhealthy adults.

One time I heard my mother say “wah wah wah you’re a little baby” to my three-year-old in response to his crying. This has simply always been her way, and she thinks it’s a joke, but it crushed my heart, and I stepped into full-on mama bear mode. I’ll admit it triggered something in me and I apologized, but I do not and will not accept anyone telling my son or daughter or really anyone else that their emotions are invalid.

It’s okay for boys to cry, it’s okay for girls to cry, it’s okay for you to cry, for me to cry, for my mom to cry.

As a mom, I think we can all agree that piercing screams and tantrums are different than genuine crying. On the same note, it is OUR RESPONSIBILITY to teach them what they are feeling. To teach them calming and centering techniques to help them work through it so that they aren’t adults doing basically the same thing! To teach them it’s okay to cry but it’s never okay to be hurtful or harmful to another.

So mamas and daddy let us quit telling our boys it’s not okay to cry. Let’s help our kids understand their emotions, so they become healthy adults and not emotionally stunted individuals.

This will not cause a “soft society” instead, it will prevent the continuation of emotionally unstable and unavailable adults.

With love, Ashley

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