How do you need to be loved? Have You Ever Asked Yourself?
We all have this idea of how we should be loved. We have fantasies of what it would be like to find the perfect person that says and does all of the right things and at all of the right times. Not only do we have ideas of how we should be loved but we also place restrictions upon ourselves of the love we are willing to receive without realizing it.
Our connection to spirit teaches us that each one of us is made up entirely of unconditional love. This loving aspect is our true and authentic self. We have a spirit team and a universe that loves us unconditionally yet we do not generally love ourselves in this way or even allow others to love us in this way. Why?
Throughout life our circumstances and experiences condition us to think and act in certain ways. For the lucky ones they are brought up being told just how worthy and deserving they are. But the rest of us tend to watch how the relationships around us work and from that, we start to form our own opinions of what love is and how it should be.
We can look at an external situation and swear to God that we will never allow ourselves to be in that type of relationship or live that life. Then we take our attention to another relationship and say “that’s it, that’s the love that I want!”
The way we are treated throughout life helps to shape and mold the belief systems that we carry with us into the future. People can repeatedly tell us who and what we are and who and what we deserve and it tends to stick. We generally start to believe those things and in a way accept them as our reality whether consciously or subconsciously.
When you see your mother being treated with far less than she deserves it’s easy to say that you will never allow someone to treat you that way. You may, in fact, end up doing a great job of this in your relationships BUT at the same time does that sense of strength and independence come at a cost? Is it possible that because of the walls you’ve built up trying so hard not to be a reflection of your environment that you subconsciously push people away and become hard to love?
In every situation of life, there is polarity. Your situation depends on how you look at life and what you accept as your reality.
I was someone that always needed someone. However, at the same time, I was unwaveringly independent and would unintentionally and intentionally push people away. I needed to stand my ground and show my independence but at the same time, I didn’t want to be alone. Complicated right?
Looking at the relationships and the way we are treated throughout life – by the biggest players in our lives – allows us to take inventory of our current experiences.
We can ask ourselves questions like:
How did my upbringing affect the way that I love and allow myself to be loved today? What did I dislike about the relationships in my life growing up and in what ways are they reflected in my vibration today?
Because of the reflections I saw in other peoples experiences growing up, I fought for a long time against how my husband loved me. I thought that I needed words of affirmation, physical affection, constant flirting, and for him to be always emotionally open with me.
The way we yearn to be loved reflects the things that we need from ourselves. The way that others love us helps our soul to grow.
I wanted to force him to love me like that because those are the things that I was lacking in my own inner being. In reality, I didn’t need those things from someone outside of myself. I simply needed to treat myself in that way.
It took a lot of self-discovery, self-work, self-love, and 12 years with the same person to appreciate and understand the way that he loves.
I now understand that he loves me unconditionally but in his own way and in the way that I need the most. He does all of the things for me and makes all of my Pinterest dreams come true. He sacrifices constantly so I don’t have too. My man works himself to the bone and is constantly living in the future because he wants our family to have the best. He takes care of me. He makes me feel secure… something I’ve always yearned for.
When it comes to him I am the one that calls him back to the present, the one that nurtures him so that he can relax for a few moments. I am the one that fills him up with loving words and affection because that is the role that I get to play.
The universe placed us together to be the balance for each other. I can see that now, I couldn’t always.
When we love ourselves, dig deep and we heal past patterns (whether ancestral, from past-lives or passed down from family) we start to see a change in the world around us. When we only accept the best from ourselves we also expect the best from those in our current experience.
What this means is those that are meant to stay in our current reality start to become a mirror to us. They reflect back to us the love that we are giving ourselves. Those who can not keep up with our higher vibration and loving experience will start to gently fall away.
We are literally the creators of our reality and shape every aspect of it by the thoughts that we think and the words that we speak. Our experiences depend on what we are willing to accept both from ourselves and those around us.
I’m not telling you to settle for less than you deserve. I’m telling you to give yourself what you deserve and see what then takes shape FOR you.
Heal your inner conversation
Work with your higher-self
Talk to your inner child
Then, work to heal yourself so that you can manifest the reality that you deserve.