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Empaths And Their Need For Control

Have you ever thought about why people want to control others? Is there a connection between the need for control and being an empath? Empaths are the feelers, the sensitive ones, and often times the moody ones. Do you have a family member that you try to steer clear of because you never know “which version” of them you’re going to get? Is that person also extremely sensitive?  Maybe this person isn’t a family member, though, maybe it’s you.

Maybe I should warn you, this article may challenge you a bit and it may cause you to dig a little deeper into your own life patterns. With that being said, get out your shovel and lets dig!

During a recent coaching session, a message came through about my client’s mother. Spirit said the mother was extremely empathic to the point that she tried to control everything and everyone around her. My client confirmed without hesitation.

I have never looked at empaths from such an angle. Empaths are usually thought of as sensitive, moody, and emotional…not controlling. Spirit, however, put it into an all new perspective for me. After the call, I sat with the idea for a while thinking about it long and hard. Then I looked for examples in my life and in the lives of other empaths that I know and something clicked. It all started to make perfect sense!

You may not know this about me but I used to be totally OCD (I still am to a point). Everything had to have its place, things HAD to be on schedule, and though I hate to admit it I preferred not to be challenged in my way of doing things.

Long story short, I liked to be in control.

Things change though, a toddler and a business have shown me that things don’t always go as planned. Sometimes you have to choose between getting important tasks done and every toy going back in the correct bin.   Let’s just say I’ve loosened up a bit! I’m not sure who to give credit to at this point;  the business, the toddler, or learning to manage my gifts. In reality, it’s probably been a combination of the three!

The idea that empaths like to be in control is not surprising at all when you think about it. Empaths constantly struggle to keep other people out of their energy. It is because of this that they have trouble deciphering their own emotions from other people’s.

Anxiety is often a symptom of being empathic. People who recognize their own anxieties usually try to formulate a plan to keep triggers away. That being said, what better way to keep things running smoothly than to be in control of everything around you?

When someone has an obsessive compulsive disorder you may see them doing things repetitively. These subconscious or conscious behaviors are their mind’s way of keeping them safe.  They may repeatedly check locked doors, wash their hands multiple times, or clean like the dickens. This is them trying to be in control of their surroundings and the outcome of their future. However, reinforcing these behaviors usually, does more harm than good in the long run.

Just like someone with OCD, an empath that has to have control is doing it to keep themselves out of harm’s way. They may think that if they can just stick to the plan then everything will run smoothly. An extreme empath may try to prepare themselves for who they will encounter and the kinds of experiences they will have throughout the day.

Extreme Empath moms…the ones who like to be in control of everything (you know who you are) let’s put you in the hot seat for a second, shall we?

How frustrating is it for you when things are out of your control? You schedule things to the T and then BAM! Someone throws a wrench in your plan and the entire day is a mess now. You may even start to get anxiety about plans going haywire.

Are you the mom that has the idea that if everyone would just do things the right way (your way) then everything would run much more smoothly? What about “if they would just listen to me the first time then I wouldn’t have to repeat myself and life would be easier for us all?”

You may be laughing right now thinking “isn’t this every mom’s life?” Well yes, but for an empath who likes to be in control these things can really be a trigger. When their controlled environment has been manipulated, then it is harder for them to know what to expect from people. This can make it much harder for them to decipher their own energy and emotions from that of others.

If you have a mother who still treats you like a child even though you have kids of your own, ask yourself this…is she empathic? Is she easily influenced by the emotions of others? Maybe she holds grudges or has issues with letting people go. These are signs that she may be empathic and control is her subconscious way of being in charge of her emotions and surroundings.

I know it’s frustrating and hard to sympathize with but try to look at it from a loving point of view. Maybe your perspective will shift a bit. Moms are picked on in this article only because that is where the message originated. This connection of empath and control can really be applied to anyone across the board.

Like I mentioned before at one point my OCD was almost out of control (I won’t go into the gory details) and it was starting to affect my life. I can tell you with confidence that just going with the flow instead of fighting against the current has taken me much further.

If the need for control runs in your veins, I invite you to take a step back and look at how this could possibly be hindering instead of helping you.

Instead of trying to control your environment why not get control of your intuitive abilities? You could take a course or work with a mentor to learn how to manage them with ease. Empaths especially should learn to protect themselves from the energy of others and it is possible to do this without having to control your environment.

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