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What Is Life All About? Do You Have A Case Of the If-Thens?

What is the goal of life? Is it to own the most expensive car, the biggest house, to have a family? Or is the real goal the feeling that those things bring to you?

I used to think that I wanted an apartment of my own, a job that paid me well, and to not have to answer to anyone but own my damn self. What did all of those things have in common? Freedom…I wanted freedom.

After I got the freedom I wanted a two story house with a wrap around front porch, I wanted a ring, and I wanted a kid. What did all of these things have in common? Stability, commitment, family.

Once I got all of that, I wanted more time alone, to be closer to the beach, to quit working so many hours, and to spend time with my family. What did all of those things have in common? Again, freedom.

I see a pattern, do you?

I wasn’t searching for “things” I was searching for the feelings that those things brought. The bigger picture showed that I was yearning to be happy and whole. Somehow, I was under the impression that only things and people could bring this to me. It wasn’t until I started doing self-work that I realized I had constantly been reliving the same cycle since I was a teenager. It took digging deep into my past patterns and current behaviors to realize what I had been doing.

Sure, when we achieve our goals and obtain the “stuff” or the people we want it feels great for a moment. Eventually, however, that feeling fades and we are left looking for the next thing that will fill us up. When we stop searching outwardly and we go inward we are able to see that we already have all of the tools that we need to be satisfied – to be happy.

When I made a list of what I thought would make me happy, the end conclusion was quite the harsh reality.

  1. If my home had new windows then I would be happy.

  2. If I got to spend more time at home than in an office building I would be happy.

  3. I would be happier if my husband did x, y, and z.

  4. I would feel better if I had all new clothes.

  5. Life would be easier if my parents would change just about everything.

  6. I would be happy if ______ would just acknowledge that they were hurtful and wrong.

  7. If I had more personal space I would be happier.

  8. I need people around me all the time that is what will make me happy!

  9. I don’t see my friends enough, if I saw them more I would be happy.

  10. I’m bored if I had something to do I would be happy.

  11. I have way too many things to do, if everything would just slow down then I would be happy.

  12. I need more money that will surely make me happy. and the list went on

I reflected upon this list and realized that in almost every statement I was looking for someone else to do something that would make me happy. Re-read that statement out loud, please. I was looking for someone else to do something that would make ME happy.

I had a bad case of the “if this happens then…” It was a bad ailment to have because lemme tell ya, no one else BUT me can make me happy. NOTHING else but ME can make ME happy.

Sitting with that was hard. Changing the mindset…even harder. I realized something though, I was only going to be as happy as I allowed myself to be.

So I started doing the work and you can too! Most of it is easy once you start conditioning yourself (there is that word again). Meaning, once you become more self-aware the happier you will be.

We are all searching for something and we are all chasing a dream. I think that it’s once we stop chasing and just start appreciating what we have already that life really starts to work with us. Gratitude will get us further than anything else.

The old saying you catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar, it’s true. Even in a universal sense.

When we appreciate the good – we get more good. When we appreciate our past we learn and grow. We are rewarded and our perspective is a much happier one when we are living in a state of appreciation.

It takes far more energy to be unhappy than it does to be happy. We are so conditioned to be negative that it almost feels wrong to live positively but I want to show you the difference so let’s do an exercise.

  1. Think about 5 things that are getting on your nerves or that upset you. Sit with that for a moment.

  2. Become aware of how your body feels and do a scan from head to toe. Where are your muscles tight, what position is your face in, does your chest or your back hurt?

  3. Now let’s get out of that state.

  4. Tell yourself it’s ok to release that and say you’re grateful for the lessons hidden in those stories (even if you don’t quite believe it).

Now, think of 5 things that make you happy…even if only past memories. I’m willing to bet however that no matter how pessimistic you may feel in this moment, surely there is something positive in your life? Think of a puppy chasing a ball if you have too, just something happy. Now do that body scan again. Do you feel lighter, are you smiling, laughing? Do you feel less tense?

Stress and negativity are so hard on the body. So incredibly hard. When we are focused on the things we are unappreciative of or need more of we are putting more weight on our own shoulders. We are telling ourselves that we aren’t good enough or capable of having happiness. And dear friends, that is just not the truth.

This is just a little journal entry for you today to help you realize that you’re not searching for the “stuff” or chasing the rainbow. You’re searching for happiness and you’re only going to get there if you’re willing.

I can help you find it. I can give you the tools to recondition your thinking and to see the world in a different light. Together we can get you in a vibration to manifest a more positive lifestyle. But as someone once said to me, I can only take you as far as you’re willing to go.

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