Self-awareness, what it is and how do we become more self-aware?
Simply put, self-awareness means getting to know yourself. You probably think you know yourself already, right? I mean, who doesn’t know themselves?
Ha. I didn’t know myself AT ALL a few years ago. Have you ever heard someone say “I know him better than he knows himself?” I never truly understood this statement until a few years ago and honestly I never fully absorbed it until recently.
My last post was about the true goal of life, finding happiness. My question to you is can you ever achieve happiness without first being self-aware? For most, the answer is no.
Being self-aware starts with taking a goooood long look in the mirror. Both literally and not. It means being able to look at yourself as unbiased as possible. It also means learning to love yourself. It means figuring out what it is that you need to be happy and no, I don’t mean material items.
Becoming self-aware means taking the “if I had this then” or “when I get here then….I will be happy” and turn it into “I am happy because I am grateful that I already have all that I need.”
Listen, I am the first to admit (now not before) that I was never happy. The reason I was never happy was that I was always expectant of something from someone or needing the next best thing to fill me up. Then, when I would get those things I was happy for a millisecond and as Noah from The Notebook said “I was on to do the next pain in the ass thing”.
Seems harsh but it was true. I was never happy with what I had and never satisfied with where I was.
To the point that once we were done renovating our house I had the idea to sell it a month later. I wanted to buy a tiny house to live more simply. I thought my husband was going to kill me for even having the thought…mind you this is after I had done the self-work.
What was the difference between that moment of being dissatisfied and the constant state of being dissatisfied that I used to be in? I was aware of it! Aware of what I was feeling and aware of what the feelings were trying to tell me. Simply put I was overwhelmed and wanted to get away from everyone for a bit…I needed a vacation, not an entire lifestyle change.
So how can we achieve this elusive self-awareness? Keep in mind that you can read all the self-help material you want but until you’re ready to do the work …it’s pretty pointless.
“”We must recover from a factored sense of self. If you don’t already believe it no one can convince you you’re ok” – A Return To Love
Start becoming aware of your thoughts.
“I need more from my partner. I want a more lucrative job. I want a bigger house. This person is pissing me off. I’m having an “ugly” day. I’m having a “fat” day.” Become aware of those thoughts and stop them in their tracks.
“I love my partner. I feel that he/she is lacking in this area but what am I missing? How can I fill myself up instead and take the pressure off of them?”
“I love my house. It supports my need for shelter. I am leaving this house in the hands of a loving family as I take my families love and fill a bigger space.”
“That person must be having a bad day, I think I will send them love. Their words seem to be affecting me, what does this mirror in me that I get the chance to heal?
I really like this article from TheDailyBurn.com the author says don’t search for the why but search for the what.
What are you feeling, what is conditioning you to act/feel this way, what can YOU do to change the situation or your perspective about the situation?
Not why you’re acting this way…that’s just another opportunity for you to beat yourself up. Use this experience as understanding when you’re having a breakthrough!
Know that you’re probably pretty biased when it comes to yourself.
This is why others may know you better than you know yourself. Unless you’re practicing self-awareness you may not see how your patterns or habits affect your own life. Try to see all situations from all angles…even when it comes to you.
Here’s an approach that will help you both…
“I need more love and affection from my partner and I am constantly telling him that and getting angry at him for not loving me in the way I think I need to be loved. What if I just started loving him in the way I wish to be loved instead of repeating it verbally? What if I shifted my perspective to honoring what makes him feel loved while also loving him in the way that I wish to be loved?”
Then…give it a few weeks and see if anything changes! (This can apply to anyone/situation)
Stop being so hard on yourself.
Point blank. When you’re beating yourself up for whatever it is…stop it. You’re doing the best you can.
Becoming aware of the body. Notice the sensations within the body and where you hold and need to release tension within the body. This is a great way to become more self-aware of mind, body, and spirit!
Become aware of your conditions and remind yourself that only YOU have the power to change them.
Someone else might be able to lift you up but until you know how to do it for yourself you will never be able to stay in that space. Know how to make yourself truly happy.
Look at what you’re feeling. Look at what you can change to be your best self and live your best life!
Start being grateful for each and every thing in your life. Your health, your home, the phone you’re reading this on, the clothes on your back. No matter what, we all have something to be thankful for. It feels so much better to be thankful than it does to be negative.
What will happen when you put these 8 things into practice?
First, you will probably be a bit resistant. Self-work is hard work!
Second, you will start to feel a shift in perspective
Third, you will see the mini miracles happening around you. The way you respond to people may take you by surprise and the way people respond to you might even feel magical!
After a few weeks of staying consistent, you should feel a shift and life should be flowing much more freely!
Remember you can be happy but you can only be as happy as you’re willing to be!
Do you think that this is too vague? Need someone to walk you through step by step? Would you feel more comfortable if someone were to help hold you accountable? If so, then spiritual coaching may be for you! It’s hard to be unbiased with ourselves and sometimes it takes an outside perspective or higher (your spirit team’s) perspective to help pinpoint exactly where we are holding ourselves back!