I’ve written a couple posts about relationships, coming out, awakening and the symptoms that come along with. One of those symptoms or consequences rather is having to tell your spouse about your psychic gifts and not quite getting the response you were hoping for.
Today my mentor and friend guests posts on the site! She talks about this issue and how we can help our partners to understand our intuitive gifts!
(By the way, is this um, real life? Amanda was ranked top 4 psychic blogs on the planet and now she’s posting on here!)
Without further Adieu Amanda, the floor is yours!
11 Things You Can Do To Encourage A Non-Believing Spouse To Support You and Your Gifts
amanda linette meder
Psychics, intuitives, empaths, mediums, healers, and shamans are some of the most tolerant, compassionate, and humanizing people you’ve ever met.
They seem to understand just about every situation you could throw that them – either because they’ve been through it themselves, because one of their clients has, or most likely because they know what it’s like to be judged.
For thousands of years, intuitives, psychics, and healers have been restricted to the outer fringes of society, but as science advances and scientific research continues to confirm many of the earlier predictions and observations of the very people they brushed off have made, more and more, intuitives are coming out of the closet and feeling more comfortable discussing their gifts out in the open.
However, the family is the last frontier.
The last thing you want to do is share with someone your deepest, darkest feelings, dreams and visions only to have them call you an idiot.
Just as we can teach and preach tolerance to ourselves and our clients, we can also teach acceptance and openness to our spouses, many of whom, look to us as examples of how to live anyway.
Here are a just few things you can do to help encourage a non-believing spouse to perhaps see things as not so black and white – because, hey, they’re really not.
Listen to their fears and address any of their concerns they may have about your gifts and you’re practicing them out in public (if you do).
Much of the time, intolerance really manifests due to fears. Some spouses are scared of actual ghosts coming through and disturbing the family, others are more worried about social stigmas and about what’s going to be said about you (and them) in public.
This could be due to past life fears, fears they’ve absorbed from you or others, or these fears could be related things people have actually said about you to your spouse, in your absence, it could also be related to what they’ve seen in the media.
Either way, get to the root of the reason for your spouse’s intolerance and then you’ll know how you can best support your partner in moving forward and through it. It’s like identifying the source of an illness, you need to know what’s causing it, in order to help heal it.
Go over their worst case scenarios and their what would happen(s) if….
What you would do if approached negatively by your spouse’s boss, how would you respond? How should they respond? Go over what would happen in that sort of worst case scenario.
Now, what would happen if a demon somehow happened to come into the home and entered your child’s room? Or what if you opened a negative portal? I know, you wouldn’t do that, but some people have those fears so go over with your spouse the steps you’ve taken to prevent that from happening if they share that concern, and if it were to somehow, by some rare freak event happen, what you’d do to handle it.
Watch movies, documentaries and suggest television shows highlighting people who have similar gifts and provide similar modalities.
There are so many positive documentaries, movies and television shows out there regarding mediums, highly sensitive people, shamans, healers and so on. My favorites being: The Indigo Revolution, The Hereafter, Medium, The Ghost Whisperer and yes, even some episodes of The X-Files. But there are many!
Sit down with your spouse and watch something that focuses on the person who feels these things, not something that focuses on the ghosts and what they do. What I’m saying is, there’s a lot out there, so try to find something that focuses on the shaman, not the patient. Your spouse seeing how your gifts manifest in someone else is one of the first steps to empathy – getting your spouse to see that they’re not the only ones dealing with this, and neither are you.
Bring up historical figures whose theories have now been supported by science.
Did you know that Tesla, Edison, and Einstein all incorporated the work of mystics, seers and psychics into their equations and later inventions? Or that Abraham Lincoln used to hold seances in the white house? That back in the day, traditional healers were often called first, often before any doctor was ever sent for?
There are many examples of notable scientists supporting the works of the mystic. Unfortunately, the school history books simply just leave this stuff out. Susan B Anthony and the women’s abolitionist movement was run by mediums. And just a few years ago, Japanese Scientists confirmed the hologram universe theory, a theory originally proposed by rainforest shaman hundreds of years ago. Why not share these facts!
Putting some pedal to the metal with evidence, logic and statistical reasoning, can really help to plant the seeds of tolerance and give your beliefs some some credibility, which your spouse can then later chew on, and take with them into their own life’s work.
Let them know exactly how their words make you feel, especially if they’re openly not being supportive you in public.
Many people don’t know when they’re being hurtful, especially when they’ve been culturally trained to act a certain way in response to certain things, possibly for thousands of years, if not more.
By letting your spouse know how their words make you feel in a genuine, peaceful way, most spouses act more mindfully in the future.
But just remember: it does take some time to work out a pattern, as you know, so you may have to remind them a couple of times, usually when different triggers arise. If the hurtful, discounting words don’t stop or seriously slow down after about a year, then it’s time to consider either counseling or alternate partnership opportunities. No need to go there yet though! (To get better at talking to your spouse when you’re upset? I recommend this book by Harriet Lerner).
Handle the in-laws.
Mother-in-laws, brothers, and cousins can say the most hurtful things, either on your side of the fence or on theirs. It need not be tolerated. The best way to handle these things to start back at #1 and try to ask questions to understand where the misconceptions in your spouse’s family may lie, this way, you can help turn a hurtful moment, into a teaching moment or at the very least, into a tolerance building activity.
Whenever someone says something mean to you about your gifts, you learn two things: you learn who it’s more fun to spend your time with so you can better redirect my energy to those people, and likewise, you’re learning what education is still needed in your community and you can then meditate on how you can work to change those things both for yourself and for others who may be dealing with the same thing.
Let your spouse observe you doing your thing a time or two.
Doing readings? Offering energy healings? Running guided meditation classes?
Offer your spouse a session, take them with your crystal shopping, guide them through a meditation, or run a little harmless Reiki though their body next time they ask you for a massage. If you’re worried about permission, just ask, but don’t worry – most spouses overwhelmingly accept.
Spouse not accepting, even at that level? Next time you clean the house, also clear the energy of the house and switch up the crystal grids. Even the most resistant spouses will tend to notice ‘how clean’ it feels. Not sure how to grid? Here’s a short guide on how-to from Vanessa at Rogue Wood Supply.
Share your perceptions with your spouse before they happen.
In some cases, your spouse will have to see that your gifts work and are accurate, regardless how scared you are of his or her rejection, you have to start opening up if you want others to open up to you.
Start with something like this. You don’t have to blurt out that it’s a psychic vision or that you received such-and-such info clairaudiently or even that you had a dream. Just say “I don’t trust that person” when your psychic alarms are genuinely being triggered.
You don’t have to share exactly what you see happening, just that you don’t trust, especially if it’s not a life threatening issue, so much as it just somebody who wouldn’t make a great business partner for your spouse.
Then wait a few months and let the situation play out before your (and their) very eyes.
Over time, your confidence will build and you’ll start feeling more comfortable sharing some of the bigger things that happen with less and less fear of being debunked. And, better yet, they’ll want you to!
Know when to back off and let certain situations speak for themselves.
People need space to process information.
So if something big happens, give your spouse some time to chew on, think about, and process some of the things that have happened. You don’t have to always explain everything away – sometimes the situation will speak for itself and you’ll need to give your spouse time to come to their own conclusions. If you’re always explaining to them everything from your perspective, how are they ever supposed to wrap their minds around it on their own? Sometimes the only explanation needed from you is you raising your eyebrow – and that’s all. The mystical often speaks for itself. Let it.
Listen to your spiritual stuff out loud.
Audio books, lectures, seminars, weekly energy reports and readings, meditations, etc. Take a few days a week and listen to these out loud when you’re cooking dinner, cleaning, or just milling about the house taking care of household chores.
Danielle LaPorte talks about this practice as being one of the best ways to give your family members their spiritual vitamins. Don’t overdo it though! A few times a week to a few times a month should be fine. After all, if they have you listening to their programs, why not have them listen to yours every once in awhile?
Give it time.
Think about all the years it took you to fully embrace your gifts, now divide that number in half. That could be how long it takes your spouse to fully come to terms with your abilities, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want to or that they don’t still love you. The person you are married to, domestically or legally, agreed to live life with you as part of their soul contract. Could it be that you are to teach each other something? I think so! But some people just need more time than others to come around.
So these are just a few things you can do to help manage and deal with a spouse who may be just as shocked by your abilities as you were when they first started coming in for you.
This article isn’t about making your spouse a convert or eventually getting them go to sound healing ceremonies with you, though that may happen. But just as you learning about your spouses hobbies and interests doesn’t mean you’re signing up for every fantasy football league they’re a part of, a little tolerance never hurt anyone – in fact, it often just makes the bond you have ever grow stronger.
Fear often manifests as intolerance, so by addressing your partner’s fears before they manifest, you’ll know a bit more about where to start in supporting your support person.
Good luck and remember – you can do this! If you’ve made it to the bottom of this article, chances are you’ve got a partner who wants to understand, but they don’t know how. This article helps with the how, you’ve got the rest.
Amanda Linette Meder
Amanda Linette Meder is a writer, teacher, and author at AmandaLinetteMeder.com. She works with mediums, intuitives and other types of highly sensitive people to help them live more peaceful, spiritual and abundant lives. View more of her work at: www.amandalinettemeder.com.
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